A real rider scare inspired tonight’s nonsense: one random champion of bad timing turned left in front of a bike doing 40, the brakes came on hard, and the rear got just spicy enough to remind everyone that asphalt is not a forgiving dance floor. The song picks at the end were also screened against the saved no-repeat list.
There are many noble ways to meet your end.
Heroically.
Peacefully.
Surrounded by loved ones.
And then there is “taken out by a guy who looked both ways and somehow still chose chaos.”
A shmoe made a left turn in front of me while I was riding, and for one thrilling moment my motorcycle and I entered a very exclusive club called Please Do Not Let This Become a Medical Billing Event.
I hit the brakes.
The bike fishtailed.
My soul left my body, filed a complaint, and returned only to say, “Absolutely not. We are not doing this today.”
Motorcycle riding is beautiful because it gives you freedom, focus, and wind in your face.
It is also deeply educational because it teaches you that some drivers approach intersections with the calm strategic planning of a squirrel on espresso.
So tonight, in honor of bananas, braking, and the majestic left-turning menace, here are ten jokes and a few actual survival tips for staying upright when the road decides to audition for a disaster movie.
1. Nothing wakes up your nervous system like a car turning left in front of you as if you are not a motorcycle but a rumor.
2. I do not need more cardio. I ride. My heart already does CrossFit every time a sedan starts making unexplained decisions.
3. When that rider safety voice says “assume you are invisible,” it sounds philosophical. Then a guy in an SUV turns across your lane and suddenly it sounds less like wisdom and more like a legally binding prophecy.
4. My rear tire fishtailed so hard it briefly considered a career in ballroom dancing.
5. The driver gave me that little “sorry” wave, which is adorable, because what I really needed in that moment was not an apology but several additional yards of reality.
6. A left-turning driver will look directly at you with the confidence of a man who has never once been betrayed by his own eyeballs.
7. Hard braking on a motorcycle is one of the few experiences where your hands are saying, “Stay calm,” your brain is saying, “This is manageable,” and your skeleton is already halfway to church.
8. People say riding keeps you young. That is true if by young they mean constantly surprised and one bad decision away from yelling in public.
9. Cars have cupholders, climate control, and a stereo tuned by engineers. Motorcycles have dignity, torque, and the opportunity to discover whether your underwear budget was realistic.
10. Every rider has that one moment where they do everything right and still end up thinking, “Amazing. I would love to never do that again.”
Now, the useful part, because comedy is wonderful but pavement is undefeated.
How do you keep your wheels from locking up when braking quickly?
Do not grab a handful of front brake like you are trying to pull-start destiny. Squeeze progressively, use both brakes, keep the bike as upright as possible, and keep your eyes up instead of staring at the exact object you hope not to become emotionally involved with. MSF guidance also notes that ABS helps maintain traction by preventing wheel lock as you approach maximum braking, and its street tips emphasize squeezing rather than grabbing the front lever. (Motorcycle Safety Foundation)
If the rear locks, keep the bike straight. If the front locks, that is where things get rude in a hurry. The front tire is not the place for experimental theater. MSF braking material warns that locking the front wheel can quickly lead to loss of directional control and a sideways crash. (Motorcycle Safety Foundation)
How do you prevent an accident when a shmoe makes a left turn right in front of you?
First, treat intersections like they are populated by talented improvisers. Roll off a little, cover the brakes, watch the front wheel of the turning vehicle, and leave yourself an escape path. NHTSA says the majority of multi-vehicle motorcycle crashes generally happen because other drivers simply did not see the motorcyclist, which is a very irritating sentence made even worse by how often it is true. (NHTSA)
Lane position matters too. Do not hide in the visual wallpaper. Make yourself easier to notice, and do not commit emotionally to the idea that the other person will definitely yield. Hope is not a braking system.
Any other safety tips?
Get training and keep practicing, because panic is a terrible riding instructor. The MSF Basic RiderCourse is a solid place to build or refresh core habits, and the broader NHTSA motorcycle safety guidance is worth a read if you enjoy staying both stylish and medically unremarkable.
Wear real gear, not “this hoodie has a brave personality.” A properly fitted helmet matters, and if you want one extra layer between your ribs and bad luck, something like the Helite Turtle 2 airbag vest exists for exactly the kind of day when the universe lets a fool borrow a steering wheel. The official product page describes it as a tethered airbag vest meant to be worn over a jacket.
Also: leave space, skip ego, watch side streets, slow down where sight lines are trash, and never assume a turn signal means anything until the vehicle is actually doing the thing. I have more faith in weather forecasts than I do in some turn signals.
So yes, laugh about it.
Because sometimes you survive a nonsense moment, pull over, unclench every muscle one at a time, and realize the only two reasonable responses are gratitude and extremely aggressive sarcasm.
If this made you laugh, follow me for more Friday Night Laughs, more art, and more lovingly overcaffeinated nonsense. And drop your best motorcycle survival tip or your best clean road-rage joke in the comments, because apparently the highways are a group project now.
Art Prompt (Dadaism): A sharp, elegant photomontage built from torn botanical engravings, gloved hands, clock faces, moon phases, machine gears, sheet music fragments, postage marks, and cropped profiles arranged in a beautifully unruly composition. Use a palette of antique cream, tobacco brown, charcoal black, faded crimson, oxidized teal, and small flashes of pale gold. Let oversized typography collide with tiny architectural cutouts and floating eyes, with jagged diagonals and layered paper textures creating playful visual tension. The mood should feel witty, stylish, intellectual, mischievous, and slightly dreamlike, with crisp cut-paper edges, vintage print grain, and the sensation that every element is participating in a very sophisticated argument.
Video Prompt: Launch immediately into motion with torn paper fragments snapping into frame in time with a crisp beat. Botanical clippings rotate past clock faces and moon phases while gloved hands slide in from the edges to rearrange gears, profiles, and stamped markings. Oversized letters slam together, scatter, and reform as if the collage is thinking out loud. Add rhythmic jump cuts, fluttering paper shadows, subtle parallax depth, spinning diagrams, and quick bursts of pale gold dust so the whole piece feels stylish, kinetic, witty, and hypnotic from the first second to the last.
Pair it with:
- Motorcycle Emptiness — Manic Street Preachers
- Running in the Night — FM-84