Once upon a clay tablet in ancient Babylon, before the days of TikTok financial gurus and stock market memes, lived a man named Arkad. He wasn’t born into riches. Nope. This guy didn’t have a rich uncle or a crypto wallet. But what he did have was a rock-solid money philosophy and, possibly, the world’s earliest budgeting spreadsheet (made out of baked mud).
Let’s break down his ancient wisdom — Babylonian style — but with fewer camels and more sass.
1. Start Fattening Thy Purse (aka: Pay Yourself First, You Stingy Wench)
Arkad’s first golden rule was simple: keep at least 10% of everything you earn. Before you pay for your oat milk, doggie daycare, or suspiciously expensive candle that smells like “Financial Freedom,” you pay yourself.
“But I barely make enough!”
Congratulations, you sound just like 99% of everyone ever. Start with a dollar. The habit matters more than the amount.
This is basically the ancient version of a Roth IRA. Just less paperwork and fewer penalties.
2. Control Thy Expenditures (Yes, Even the Lattes)
Arkad wasn’t out here yelling “Stop buying avocado toast!” but the message was clear: spend less than you make. Seems obvious, right? Yet somehow, $14 smoothies exist.
Babylonian wisdom says: Needs grow to equal our income unless we tell them to sit down and shut up. So take a deep breath, skip that third streaming subscription, and chill with the cart on Amazon.
3. Make Thy Gold Multiply (Invest, But Make It Sexy)
Money should be like bunnies: constantly multiplying and slightly mischievous.
Don’t let your coins sit there like bored teenagers. Put them to work. In Arkad’s day, that meant lending money at interest or investing in trade caravans (AKA ancient DoorDash). Today, that means compound interest, index funds, or a lemonade stand empire. Whatever floats your financial boat.
Just don’t invest in anything you don’t understand. That includes your cousin’s “guaranteed NFT goat rental business.”
4. Guard Thy Treasures from Loss (Risk Like a Responsible Maniac)
Arkad wasn’t afraid of making money, but he was terrified of losing it to dumb decisions. “I bought this crypto coin because my Uber driver said it was going to the moon” is not a valid retirement strategy.
Always seek advice from people who actually know what they’re doing. In Babylon, that meant wise merchants. Today, that means actual financial advisors — not YouTubers wearing designer hoodies on yachts.
5. Own Thy Home (Or At Least Don’t Pay Rent to Greedy Goblins Forever)
This one’s a little spicy in modern times, but the idea is this: stability matters. Arkad figured people are more secure, proud, and motivated when they have a roof over their heads that they actually own.
So whether you’re buying property, house hacking, or moving in with a herd of friends to cut costs — think long-term.
6. Ensure a Future Income (Plan, Because You Won’t Be Young Forever)
Spoiler alert: Arkad got old. So will you. Start thinking about passive income, retirement accounts, royalties from that book you swear you’re writing, or even rental igloos in the metaverse.
Whatever it is, your future self will either thank you — or key your time machine.
7. Increase Thy Ability to Earn (Be the Smartest in the Room… Then Charge for It)
Learn new skills. Level up. Get better at what you do and then demand the coin. Babylonian success wasn’t just about saving; it was about getting too valuable to ignore.
Want more money? Be worth more. Just don’t be a jerk about it.
Final Thoughts: Why Arkad Would Slap You With a Scroll (In a Loving Way)
Babylon didn’t have fintech apps, 401(k)s, or a Fed. But the principles still hit hard. Budget smart. Save first. Spend wisely. Invest carefully. Learn relentlessly.
Then sit back and let your gold do the ancient cha-cha while you sip your date wine under a palm tree.
Art Prompt:
A glowing garden scene at dusk, filled with strolling figures in parasols and straw hats, their faces softened by dappled golden light. The canvas hums with gentle brush strokes and pastel tones of lavender, rose, and muted jade. Water sparkles in the background, blurred and dreamlike, while willow trees gently sway with feathery elegance. The mood is serene, playful, and utterly timeless, painted in a style reminiscent of late 19th-century Impressionism.
Want more ancient wisdom sprinkled with sarcasm and sass?
Follow me and drop a comment below. Tell me which Babylonian rule you accidentally broke last weekend.